As subscribers to new age spirituality we are often focused on self-improvement-based practices like mindfulness or gratitude practices. While these are crucial to well-being or improvement it is important that we don’t get stuck in only positive thinking patterns. An area that could balance out overly positive outlooks and create a more holistic approach to your practice is called shadow work. This potent practice invites you to explore the hidden or suppressed parts of your psyche. It may seem intimidating at first, but shadow work can lead to profound healing and greater self-awareness.
What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work means coming to terms and allowing in those parts of you that you hide, deny, and push away. Mostly, these parts are referred to as your “shadow.” Carl Jung described it as the part of ourselves remaining unconscious-feelings, desires, and qualities rejected because they are not in conformance with the images we have set for ourselves.
These repressed aspects add up over time and begin to weigh in on how you are feeling and reacting-even though you are not aware of it. For instance, say that as a child you had been discouraged from acting angry; you learned to suppress this emotion. Well, it does not disappear into the ether; it goes into the shadow from where it could surface in passive hostilities or unexpected eruptions.
Shadow work is about facing these hidden parts of yourself, understanding them, and allowing these to come into your conscious personality. That is quite a journey into the unconscious that can transform negative patterns, heal emotional wounds, and help someone live a more authentic and integrated life.
If you are interested in learning more there is information on our post What is Shadow Work.
Why is Shadow Work Important?
The first time you hear of shadow work you may find it to be superfluous and difficult. After all, why should someone have to confront parts of themselves that they have worked so hard to push away? The reality is, suppressed emotions and traits do not disappear but are actually made more powerful by the act, and they tend to be much more destructive. Here are the many reasons why shadow work is so important:
Increased Self-Awareness
We cannot know ourselves in the process of growing up, we deny some part of who we are. Shadow work lets us see into the big picture, those things we often would not wish to face. Which once uncovered we are able to work with these parts of ourselves.
Healing Emotional Wounds
Usually, our most painful emotions are what we push into the shadow. By facing and working through such emotions, we free ourselves from pain caused by them.
Breaking Negative Patterns
Most behaviors that seem beyond the realm of conscious control are driven by the unconscious mind. Shadow work gives us the opportunity to become aware of those patterns, and thus change them.
Smoother Relationships
When we are not in touch with our shadow, we are always projecting our unconscious feelings onto other people, and there is where misunderstandings and fights start. Shadow work helps you take ownership of your emotions and thus fosters healthier and more authentic relationships.
How to Start Working with Your Shadow
The work of the shadow is a tender process yet very rewarding. Some steps to follow will help you in starting this journey within.
Find Yourself a Safe Space to Practice
The shadow requires emotional openness to work with it, so it’s important that you find yourself in a setting you consider safe and ground yourself. It may be some quiet room in the house, a favorite spot in nature, or an inconspicuous nook in life where one can reflect with a minimum of distraction. You can include soothing aspects, like gentle music playing, candles, or meditation, which make it easier to settle into.
Engage in Self-Observation
Among the first things that one must do in shadow work is to become aware of one’s feelings and actions. Observe those moments when you feel strongly, for example, angry, jealous, frustrated. These are often symptoms of something deeper. Ask yourself:
Why am I feeling this way?
What is underneath this emotion?
Is this reaction because of something that I am not quite aware of, an old hurt or belief?
It is this self-observation that helps you start identifying when your shadow is at play. You begin relating the emerging patterns in your reactions with the aspects of yourself that you have suppressed.
Record Your Thoughts
Writing is a powerful tool in terms of shadow work. A shadow work journal provides an avenue to work with your emotions, explore your memories, and reflect on patterns of thought or behavior. Journaling helps you to organize your thoughts and make some sense of what might otherwise feel overwhelming.
By journaling regularly, you’ll know about your shadow and begin to understand the forces that drive you, though you don’t realize it, behind the scenes of thinking and acting.
Here are some writing prompts to help you get started with your shadow work journal:
What triggers strong emotional reactions in me? How do I typically respond to these triggers?
When was the last time I felt deeply ashamed or embarrassed? What does this feeling reveal about me?
What are my biggest fears, and where do they stem from?
What emotion do I avoid the most, and why do I find it so uncomfortable to confront?
How do I react when someone criticizes me? What does this reaction say about my insecurities?
Allow Yourself to Feel Difficult Emotions
The shadow work is confronting emotions one would rather not; be it shame, guilt, or sadness. It invites, rather, the leaning into them, feeling deep, and not judging instead of trying to push these feelings away. Feeling uncomfortable is normal, but that is the price to be paid in the process.
One way to entertain these emotions is to practice mindfulness. When the uncomfortable emotion strikes, take that extra deep breath in and focus on what you are feeling. Mindful awareness of your emotions breaks the repressive cycle, allowing the emotions to pass through you and not be stuck in your shadow. Ask yourself:
Where do I feel this emotion physically in my body?
What memories or thoughts are coming up alongside this feeling?
What can I learn from this emotion?
Embrace Projections
One of the many ways the shadow manifests itself is through projection, where we see our own hidden qualities in another. For example, suppose you feel really angry because someone is lazy. Ask yourself, “Is it mine? Am I projecting my fear of people thinking me lazy?”
To begin recognizing your projections, focus on who or what irritates you. The next time you find yourself having an intense reaction toward someone, ask yourself:
What is it about this person that irritates or upsets me?
Can this be something in myself that I don’t like, yet not as of yet acknowledged?
How do I take on this characteristic and own it and project it onto no one else?
Recognizing your projections allows you to take ownership of your shadow and take responsibility for your emotions.
Practice Self-Care
Shadow work is emotionally thick, and being kind and compassionate with yourself is important throughout the process. You’re going to get some things up; they may not be pretty, but just remember that everyone has a shadow. That you are even willing to look into it shows strength, not weakness.
When you feel overwhelmed or judgmental toward yourself, take some time to stop and reflect on being kind to yourself. Remind yourself that part of the definition of being human means to grow along with your strengths and weaknesses. Offer the same acceptance to yourself that you would offer to a good friend in a time of struggle.
Integrate What You Discover
Working with the shadow is about owning, not “fixing” or getting rid of, aspects of yourself that you have repressed. As you further develop your understanding of your shadow, consider how you might integrate new understandings into your daily life. Example:
If you’ve identified that you suppress anger, consider finding healthy ways to express anger, such as journaling, assertion, or creative expression. If you feel like you avoid vulnerability at all costs, then push yourself to be more vulnerable in your relationships.
This acceptance of these parts of yourself allows them to live in peace with the rest of your personality in a very healthy way. Integration lets you live more authentically and no longer controlled unconsciously from your shadow.
How Long Does Shadow Work Take?
There is no timeline for shadow work, as it is deeply personal and ongoing. Some claim that after even a few months of daily introspection, monumental shifts begin to happen, while others say that shadow work has become a lifelong journey into self-discovery. Rather more important than this, however, is the ability to commit to the process and be patient with giving one’s self the time it takes to see and integrate these hidden parts.
Embracing the Shadow
Working with a shadow part is a powerful tool for anyone who desires better self-realization, healing of the emotions, and lasting personal growth. While it may be distressing to come into contact with aspects of yourself that you have kept hidden, the benefits are great. You set yourself free, as your shadow comes into the light, from unconscious patterns that drag you down.